Breaking news,
My internet keeps breaking. An excerpt from an email sent to the ResNet help desk:
Internet Kidnapped!
EDINBURGH (Reuters) -- Late last week, trouble arose at the International Summit of Being Able to Do Homework. The keynote speaker, Internet, ascended to the podium and began its speech.
"I love everyone," spake Internet, on behalf of everything righteous and true. But the speech was violently cut short, as a small force of covert operatives from a group calling themselves ResNet sprung from their seats donning gasmasks and lobbing teargas into the auditorium. Amid shouts of, "Hail ResNet!" and "Die, Internet, die!" the guerrillas suckerpunched Internet in the kidneys and vanished, taking the stunned Internet with them and leaving an even more stunned and crying crowd.
Since the kidnapping, no members of Edinburgh University's residential system have been able to talk to Internet except during what ResNet labels its "operational hours", after which the rogue group must stuff a beaten and weary Internet back into its cold pen. Even now, this humble journalist writes under constant fear of disconnection.
The rogue vision of ResNet as yet remains cloudy. Inside sources claim they purport to being a service to students, but all attempts to contact ResNet directly have reached an uninformative recorded message.
No word of what has befallen Internet has reached the public, leaving everyone with the thought, "Why does the internet break all the time, guys? At least let people know what the problem is. Server issues? Maintenance?"
No one knows when or if this crisis will be resolved. The only recourse at this point is hope.
Signing off (hopefully not permanently),
walter